Sometimes, someone says something really small,

communities

case315@aol.com — Fri, 11 Aug 2006 07:46:24 GMT

I only use this journal for communities now. <3

case315@aol.com — Fri, 19 Aug 2005 03:49:02 GMT

Everyone’s known someone that

They just can’t help but want.

And even though we just can’t make it work out,

Well the want to lingers on.

So once again we wind up in each other’s arms,

Pretending that it’s right.

And I may hate myself in the morning,

But I’m going to love you tonight.

50-100/5000QuestionSurvery

case315@aol.com — Thu, 18 Aug 2005 09:33:45 GMT

50. Have you ever saved someone's life or had your life saved? I don't think so.

51. Make up a definition for the following silly words...

Fruitgoogle: The process of googling fruit. (I'm not very originial.)

Ambytime: This word is ugly.

Asscactus: That stubbly hair after a guy hasn't shaved his ass in a few weeks.

52. What was the last thing you made with your own hands? A way sweet stack of rolled silverware at work tonight.

53. What was your favorite toy as a child? Probably a book. I was pretty nerdstyle.

54. How many TV’s are in your house? Uhhhm 1234567

55. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Swim or just walk around.

56. How do you feel when you see a rainbow? All warm && fuzzy inside.

57. Have you ever dreamt a dream that came true? Oh yeah, it happens a lot.

58. Have you ever been to a psychic/tarot reader? My aunt.

59. What is your idea of paradise? A giant Nordstrom in the middle of some tropical, but still very very urban place.

60. Do you believe in god and if so what is he/she/it like? I don't know, I hate this question.

61. Do you believe in Hell? Probably.

62. What one thing have you done that most people haven't? Gotten run over by my cousin on an ATV.

63. What is the kindest thing you have ever done? Donate time and money to GirlScoutsofAmerica, probably. I'm not really very nice.

64. Are you a patient person? Sometimes.

65. What holiday should exist but doesn't? Big Sister Day.

66. What holiday shouldn't exist but does? Thanksgiving.

67. What's the best joke you ever heard? Duke's stupid banana joke.

68. Where is the most fun place you have EVER been? That's a hard question.

69. Is your hair natural or dyed? Died, but i think it's close to my natural color now.

70. Do you have any deep dark secrets or are you pretty much up front? I'm pretty much an open book.

71. What is under your bed right now? Drawers.

72. If you were in the Land of Oz would you want to live there or go home? Go home.

73. If you drive do you frequently speed? I used to, but i got a ticket. Kinda stopped that.

74. What is the world's best song to dance to? Anything. DancingisLOVE.

75. What song was on the last time you danced with someone? Last week with Dani in the car.

76. Do you prefer Disney or Warner Brothers? DISNEY.

77. What is the first animal you would run to see if you went to the zoo? Penguin. (Or is that Sea World?)

78. Would you consider yourself to be romantic? Yes.

79. If the earth stopped rotating would we all fly off? I hope not.

80. What is the one thing that you love to do so much that you would make sacrifices to be able to do it? Be with my friends or family.

81. If you (and everyone) had to lose one right or freedom, but you could pick which one everyone had to lose, what would you pick? The Right to Remain Silent. If you commit a crime, you should chat it up about it.

82. If you had to choose would you live on the equator or at the North Pole? North Pole.

83. Would you rather give up listening to music or watching television? Watching Television.

84. What do you think makes someone a hero? Putting aside your own cares for even just a minute and only thinking about someone or something else.

85. What cartoon would you like to be a character in? Daria<3

86. Name one thing that turns your stomach: Blood.

87. What was the last thing you paid for? Dinner.

88. Are you a coupon clipper? No.

89. Get anything good in the mail recently? Magazines && college ish.

90. Which would you rather take as a gym class...dancing, sailing, karate, or bowling? DANCINGDANCINGDANCING.

91. In Star Trek people 'beam' back and forth between different places. What this means is they stand in a little tube and their molecules are deconstructed and sent to another tube somewhere else where they are reassembled. Only problem is when the molecules are deconstructed the person is dead. When they are put back together it is only a clone that has all the dead person's memories. So...

Is the person who gets beamed the same person on both ends? I stopped reading when i got to Star Trek.

92. What insects are you afraid of? Most of them.

93. If you could print any phrase on a T-shirt, what would it say? Who still wears phrase t-shirts?

94. What's the most eccentric thing you have ever worn? I'm not eccentric.

95. If you could pick one food that you could eat all you wanted but it would have no effect on how much you weigh, what food would it be? Sushi.

96. What are your parents interested in? My sisters.

97. Have you ever caught an insect and kept it as a pet? Ew no.

Have you ever caught and tamed a wild animal? This question isn't even numbered.

98. What is more helpful to you, wishes or plans? Plans.

99. When do you feel your life energy the strongest? Rehersals && tests.

100. You are spending the night alone in the woods and may bring only 3 items with you. What do you bring? CellphoneGunBestFriend.

case315@aol.com — Tue, 02 Aug 2005 01:45:58 GMT

reply anonymously.

1. one secret.
2. one compliment.
3. one non-compliment.
4. one love note.
5. lyrics to a song.
6. how old you are.
7. how long we've been friends.
8. && a hint(inside joke) as to who you are.

so there's probably only two people who will do this. but it's okay.

case315@aol.com — Tue, 02 Aug 2005 01:44:37 GMT

So. Life is really really strange, isn't it? I mean, sometimes I feel so so fufilled && happy. When I'm with KimJordanDaniorevenJenniferormyMom, I'm so happy. I'm carefree, I laugh, I make jokes. I'm myself. But then, I get home && I'm miserable. Crying all the time && only thinking about that one dumbass boy. It's like I have two personalities.

"You've got to realize when a day is a total waste of makeup." - Bergdorf Blondes

case315@aol.com — Mon, 01 Aug 2005 07:41:43 GMT

Because that’s what people do.

The leap, and hope to God they can fly.

Because otherwise, you just drop like a rock,

wondering the whole way down, why the fuck did I jump?

But here I am, falling, and the only one who makes me

feel like I can fly…

is you.

update <3

case315@aol.com — Sun, 31 Jul 2005 07:46:49 GMT

Thursday:

Summer school for 6 hours. Not so much fun. MUN for 2 1/2 hours. Surprisingly, not terrible. I met a baby Sorge, he's maybe the cutest freshman ever to have lived. Haha oh wow. Anyway, after MUN I went home and changed, and Dani and I went to The Gypsy Den for open mic night, to see Chris and David sing. Long story short, we didn't see them sing. We did, however, drive through downtown Huntington Beach, see signs saying "What the Pho?," meet a man in Rubio's that enjoyed entirely too much saying the words "Bolsa Chica," get directions from a random person in the Asian Gang Capitol of the World, and get yelled at by a security gaurd. We watched a sexy black boy seduce us by song, a really annoying guy sing "all g'd up like a gangsta" while playing piano, and an older man with a curious accent named Mr.Hip. All in all, it was fabulous. I intend to go back to open mic night.

Friday:

Very very uneventful. Sat around all day. Watched movies at night. But you know what, I needed a day like that.

Saturday:

I got to sleep in again. Which was just fantastic. And then I got up and picked up Dani. We went to Borders to try and begin the planning of our senior trip. It was then we realized what a monumental task this is going to be. We need help. So we are in the process of looking for a Travel Agency. Help would be much appreciated. We then hung out at my house where she made me beautiful pictures, and we just talked and decided we are going to the Henry Fonda Theater in Hollywood to see Tegan and Sara on Monday. Soo excited for that. Not nearly as excited as Danielle, but you know. Anyway, I took Dani home, and got ready for the night. I met Kimberly and Jordan at The Spectrum. We saw "Must Love Dogs." And met a really cute boy from a band. And ran into Cameron, and Kevin, and Ian, and some annoying skinny girl. Oh how I love Kim and Jordan.

"We're all hypocrites. They tell us not the burp, but we burp. BURP."

"Dog Park Girl and Condom Man! They could fight crime."

case315@aol.com — Sat, 30 Jul 2005 05:08:25 GMT

6 More Daily Wake Up Calls from the authors of He’s Just Not That Into Youandmyresponses.<3

1. If the guy you’re dating doesn’t seem to be completely into you, or you feel the need to start “figuring him out,” please consider the glorious thought that he me just not be that into you. And then free yourself to go find one that is.” Is it just me, or is do they always seem to be way into you the second you decide to move one?

2. Wasting time with the wrong person is just time wasted. And when you do move on and find your right person, believe me, you’re not going to wish you had gotten to spend more time with Stinky the Time-Waster or Freddy Can’t-Remember-to-Call. Maybe, but honestly, there’s got to be a reason women stick with these guys even though they’re not perfect. I mean, I’m sure Stinky and Freddy made us laugh, or made us feel fabulous for some part of the time. So is it really a complete and utter waste of time?

3. When a guy is into you, he lets you know it. He calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can’t keep his eyes or hands off of you, and when it’s time to have sex, he’s move than overjoyed the oblige. Uhh jailbait.

4. Men are not complicated, although they’d like you to think they are. Bullfuckingshit, every human being is complicated. Have you ever looked at a diagram of the human brain? It’s crazy shit.

5. If a dude isn’t calling you when he says he will, or making sure you know that he’s dating you, then you already have your answer. Stop making excuses for him; his actions are screaming the truth: He’s just no that into you. No argument.

6. You know you deserve to have a great relationship. Definitely no argument here.

thatboy

case315@aol.com — Sat, 30 Jul 2005 04:57:25 GMT

It’s not okay, because he makes me laugh.

Because I don’t have to pretend to be anything other than who I am when I’m with him.

Because I don’t believe that stuff about finding your other half,

but because I do believe that what you look for is someone who makes you a better person when you’re with them,

who changed you for the better,

who makes you the best person you can possibly be,

and because I’ve found that in him.

case315@aol.com — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 06:23:56 GMT

This girl is a heartbreak waiting to happen,

an attraction to bad luck.

An unlovable being.

This girl is a loner and crazy

tied up with passion waiting to be unleashed.

This girl is the only one you wouldn’t notice in a crowd when you’re thinking about that right girl, with the right looks.

This girl is the girl who thinks about nonsense,

and writes about fairytales

and rides with a prince

with his sword in the air to save her from herself,

and release her from her fears

of being alone forever.

women

case315@aol.com — Mon, 13 Jun 2005 01:36:32 GMT

It made sense to pool our collective loathing for the opposite sex, and while we were at it, you get to share a bed with somebody at the same time. We were frightened of being alone for the rest of our lives. Only people of a certain disposition are frightened of being along for the rest of their lives at the age of 17, and we were of that disposition.

case315@aol.com — Mon, 09 May 2005 06:34:16 GMT

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is high. You can't resist desire and lust.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

.my.new.book.

case315@aol.com — Mon, 25 Apr 2005 05:21:54 GMT

Top 6 Daily Wake Up Calls from the authors of He’s Just Not That Into Youandmyresponses.<3

1. “If a sane guy really likes you, there ain’t nothing that’s going to get in his way. And if he’s not sane, why would you want him?”Okay true, but honestly, do you ever know the whole story? Lets say he’s going to call you, something totally legit could come up. I like giving guys second chances, it’s the third or fourth chances that are not the best idea.

2. “All these years I’ve been complaining about men and their mixed messages; now I saw they weren’t mixed messages at all. I was the one mixed up.”Yes, women don’t understand everything they should about men and their habits. I beg to differ, however, that men do not send mixed messages and signals. There are some men

who know exactly what they’re doing when they play games with a women, like it or not.

3. “Knowledge is power, and more importantly, knowledge saves us time.”Very true. However, sometimes, no matter how much you know a man is ‘just not that into you,’ it won’t save you time, you will inevitably still spend those hours longing and daydreaming, no matter how unfortunate that may be.

4. “We were all beautiful, smart, funny women, and we shouldn’t be wasting our time figuring out why a guy isn’t calling us.”No argument.

5. “We’re taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side, to be optimistic. Not in this case. In this case, look on the dark side. Assume rejection first. Assume you’re the rule, not the exception. It’s intoxicatingly liberating.”Maybe. But maybe, just maybe, we should keep with the age old optimistic idea, just perhaps.

6. “We go out with someone, we get excited about them, and then they do something that mildly disappoints us. Then they keep doing a lot more things that disappoint us. Then we go into hyper-excuse mode for weeks or possibly months, because the last thing we want to think is that this great man that we are so excited about I in the process of turning into a creep. We try to come up with some explanation for why they’re behaving that way, any explanation, no matter how ridiculous, than the one explanation that’s the truth: He’s just not that into me.”Yeah, yeah, been there, done that. Who hasn’t?

ilovehighschool

case315@aol.com — Tue, 19 Apr 2005 05:36:59 GMT

We didn’t really accomplish anything that night.

Nothing of any real importance, anyway.

But through the high school years that lay ahead,

There would be a thousand other nights, just like

That one.

Stupid,

Ridiculous,

And glorious.

because i felt like it

case315@aol.com — Thu, 14 Apr 2005 06:44:09 GMT

1* First grade teacher's name: Ms. Sweet. I hated her.
2* Last word you said: You.
3* Last song you sang: Some Lindsay Lohan ish.
4* Last person you hugged: oh man, Andrew.
5* Last thing you laughed at: My dancing.
6* Last time you said I dont remember: I don't remember. :)
7* Last time you cried: Almost today, but hmm last week some time?

*PRESENT*
9* What color socks are you wearing: White.
10* What's under your bed: 2 Drawers.
11* What time did you wake up today: 6:50
12* Current taste: Pepsi.
13* Current hair: Bun.
15* Current annoyance: Model United Nations.
16* Current longing: Boys.
17* Current desktop background: A picture of Jeff, Erin, and I.
18* Current worry: APs and grades.
19* Current hate: My hunger.
20* Current favorite article of clothing: Special Limited Edition Levis from the big Levi store in NYC.
21* Favorite physical feature of the preferred sex: Hair and smile.
22* Last CD that you listened to: Lindsay Lohan, Speak
23* Favorite place to be: My bed.
24* Least favorite place: Hmm, dunno.
25* Time you wake up in the morning: 6 at the latest.
26* If you could play an instrument, what would it be: Drums.
27* Favorite color: Hot pink.
28* Do you believe in an afterlife: I do.
29* How tall are you: 5'1"
30* Current favorite word/saying: Sweetsauce.
31* Favorite book: Way too hard. I always reccomend Jane Green's 'Straight Talking,' though.
32* Favorite season: Winter.
33* One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: Grandpa Stan.

*FUTURE*
35* Where do you want to go for college? San Fran, San Diego, NYC, or LA.
36* What is your career going to be like: Work my way up through retail and eventually be the DM of all of California for Nordstrom. <3
37* How many kids do you want: 3

*HAVE YOU EVER...*
39* Said "I love you" and meant it: I have.
40* Gotten in a fight with your dog/cat/bird/fish, etc: Nope.
41* Been to New York: Yes, I love it.
42* Been to Florida: Deff not.
43* Been to California: Every day. <333
44* Been to Hawaii: Not yet. Senior trip, baby!
45* Been to Mexico: TJ
46* Been to China: Not interested.
48* Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: Doubt it.

*RANDOM*
52* Do you have a crush on someone: A couple.
53* What book are you reading now? A Walk to Remember
54* Worst feeling in the world: Lonliness
55* What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning?: "Fuck."
56* How many rings before you answer: Cell- One, if I'm going to answer. Home- Two.
57* Future daughter's name: Layla, of Hallie.
58* Future son's name: Dylan.
59* Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: Never.
60* If you could have any job you wanted: Right now? MAC counter at Nordstrom.
61* Wish were here: NYC with my lovely ladies.
62* College plans: None yet.
63* Piercings: Cero.

*THE EXTRA STUFF*
64* Do you do drugs: Not now.
65* Do you drink: Depends on the evening.
67* What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use: John Freida's Brunette.
68* What are you most scared of: Death, and being alone forever.
69* What clothes do you sleep in: Big t-shirts and booty shorts.
70* Who is the last person that called you: Rossterrrr.
71* Where do you want to get married: Orange County <3
72* If you could change anything about yourself what would that be: Jealousy, and some physical attributes.
73* Who do you really hate: Not naming names.
74* Been In Love: Yes.
75* Are you timely or always late: Fashionably late.
76* Do you have a job: I do. <3goooodtimesatPBK
77* Do you like being around people: Most of the time.
78* Best feeling in the world: Satisfaction.
79* Are you for world peace: It's impossible.
80* Are you a health freak: Far from it.
81* Do you have a "Type" of person you always go after: I don't think so.
82* Do you want someone you don't have? My life story.
83* Are you lonely right now: Yes. Oh well.
84* Ever afraid you'll never get married: Sometimes.
85* Do you want to get married: Of course.
86* Do you want kids? More than most things.

*IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...*
87* Cried: No.
88* Bought Something: Food.
89* Gotten Sick: No.
90* Sang: Every day in the car.
91* Said I Love You: I always say it to Kim.
92* Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them: Yes.
93* Met Someone: Probably.
94* Moved On: Nothing to move on from.
95* Talked To Someone: Of course.
96* Had A Serious Talk: MUN.
97* Missed Someone: Family.
98* Hugged Someone: Yesm.
99* Yelled at Someone: MUN.
100* Dreamed About Someone You Can't Be With: I don't think so.

mehhh

case315@aol.com — Sun, 27 Mar 2005 07:08:47 GMT

Sex was really easy.

Sex was everywhere,

it didn’t really meant too much.

Love.

Love was a hard thing to find.

Even if you were looking for it,

which not too many people were.

Even if you found it,

which not too many people did.

Even if it was right there in front of you,

how could you see it with all the sex in the way?

Another thing that is dumb beyond all belief.

case315@aol.com — Mon, 28 Feb 2005 05:09:16 GMT

Number Six - Awkward Silences

So pretty much the worst thing ever, yes? It is just beyond scary when you're sitting there looking at someone, and you know there has to be SOMETHING that could come out of your mouth, but it's just not spitting out. Or when there is absolutely nothing you can say, and you're just sitting there. A smile here, a cough there. SILENCE. Lets work on this, don't hang out with people you don't have anything in common with. And if you must, MAKE SOMETHING UP. <3

<333

case315@aol.com — Mon, 28 Feb 2005 05:02:57 GMT

She loves the color pink,

&all it represents.

She sits in her room,

&listens to [music].

She keeps all her pictures in little boxes underneath her bed,

&she can tell you ten good songs.

She’ll tell you she’s crazy,

&she’ll laugh.

She likes to dance in the rain,

she likes keeping in simple,

&her order will always be the same.

deff didn't write this

case315@aol.com — Thu, 24 Feb 2005 08:05:08 GMT

This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.

This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it's an experience that they don't want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments and explicit invitations that they'd rather not have experienced. This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed. This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they're too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.

This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hookup. This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship: it was that he didn't want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisified with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

This is what I don't understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mindgames, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call... and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intermural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.

So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won't answer your catcalls, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in whore's clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we're all thinking the same thing: "This isn't me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be wearing a teeshirt and flannel shorts, I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me." You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don't want the nice girl.. so don't say you're looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets... the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congradulatory hug (and yes, if she's a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won't matter), hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.

So maybe it won't last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we're waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat.

i have a fractured toe.

case315@aol.com — Sat, 19 Feb 2005 06:45:12 GMT

Number Five - Feet

God, they are just so damn gross. They smell. They get all wrinkly after being the bath tub for too long. Toe nails are disgusting. Mine are shaped funny. I think my more inspired hate for feet is probably because of my ex boyfriend. He thought it was funny that I didn't like feet, so he would try to bug me with his. He would touch me with his feet, touch my feet, always with the freakin feet. I just hate them. Some people seriously have the weirdest looking feet ever. I'm one of them. I was actually just in the emergency room the other night, because of a toe injury, and the doctors kept mistaking which one was broken because my feet are shaped so damn weird. After all this foot hatred, I still love flip-flops. I just adore them. And I still have a habit of taking them off in class, and stuff. But everyone else should be banned from this. It's gross. I'm a hypocrite. Hey, why don't you go cry about it?

the boy situation.

case315@aol.com — Sat, 19 Feb 2005 06:38:51 GMT

so lately i've been really having a rough guy time. i just keep thinking that these guys are worth stuff, and they're not. i keep thinking that it's something that i really really want, and that these boys are worth the time and effort, but they just keep coming up a little short of my expectations. there was scott. scott who flirted with me and then made out with me at my house and asked me to give him head. who asks? later, i found out while i liked him, he just thought we were having fun. so, that made me pretty darn upset. then i liked him and swooned for a while, and finally got past that. and then now, of course he's waltzing back into my life. and then came sean. oh, sean coffin. another senior i suddenly wanted and finally got the gutz to tell him i didn't just think of him as a friend, only what, 3 months after i'd been liking him. i asked him to winter formal, he went with his best girl friend. rejected. again. don't get me wrong, i fucking love erin. i think she's great, and just an amazing girl all-around. but i was, and am, so crazy jealous of her. i don't like that he likes her more than anyone, and that she gets so much of his time. i wanted that with him, and part of me still does. there's nothing i can do about it, and it's a bummer, but oh well, what are you gunna do? moving on again. and the most recent bummerfest, kyle. i don't know what it is about him, but i just think he's so damn hot. like, so fucking hot. i just get a little giddy and stupid around him. i've liked him for quite some time, i just never really thought i was on his level. as stupid as that is. and then one night, me and kristen went over to joe's, and kyle was there. and of course, stuff happens. and now, ever since, i've wanted to spend time with him, and he just keeps kind of blowing me off. but he keeps telling me how sexy i am and how much he wants to "hang out" with me. so i just do not fucking get this. not one bit. don't really get what's so wrong with me, and don't get why i can't just find someone who's interested in spending time with a fun girl. no strings attached. just some fun nights, see where it takes us. i don't think that's being too damn picky. i know i change my mind a lot, i know i can be a bitch, and mess things up. but i know that i am a good girl, and that i'm worth someone getting to know, too. so i just don't understand.

i know i sound like a whiny bitch, but to tell you the truth, i don't really care. i know there are much more important things i could worry about, but i don't want to. don't call me shallow, it's my fucking journal.

an amazing guy

case315@aol.com — Thu, 17 Feb 2005 07:58:23 GMT

I want an amazing guy.
I want walks in the rain & kisses on the forehead.
I want notes slipped into my locker,
notes so messy, only I can understand them.
I want the simple things.
like lying under the stars sharing our dreams&
talking about everything&
anything.
He'll tell me that I'm beautiful even when I've been home sick with the flu&
I'm in my pjs with my hair a mess.
He'll bring me flowers on my birthday&
give me a pretty card.
When I'm freezing, he'll give me his jacket&
hold me tight just to keep me warm.
I want dates, the kind where he takes you bowling,
or to a cute cafe with the little booths.
I want someone who will never ask for more than my heart,
but most of all, I want someone to tell me they love me for just being me.

this is for natalie and pri. <333secretariatlove

case315@aol.com — Thu, 17 Feb 2005 07:53:16 GMT

Number Four - Pencils

This picture is maybe the most perfect example of why these things fucking suck. They break alllll the freakin time. What is the point of writing with something that you need to fix every like 12 minutes? And mechanical, oh man. That damn clicking noise during tests, that drives me beyond crazy. Hey, if you need to write something down so bad, be confident enough to use a damn pen.

My new slogan: Be confident. Use pen.

number three.

case315@aol.com — Mon, 14 Feb 2005 01:41:47 GMT

Number Three - Marijuana

I should probably make this really clear. It's not that I hate people who like it, or people who use it, I just hate it personally. I think it's way overrated, and it just doesn't do anything for me. Yes, I've smoked pot. No, I've never been high. I'm always waiting to start feeling something, and I never get high, it's rather dissapointing to tell you the truth. It smells bad, and makes me cough. It tastes like shit and turns me off. It's L A M E, lame. Sometimes, stoners are hot, but don't offer me any, thanks.

another thing i hate

case315@aol.com — Sun, 13 Feb 2005 03:57:59 GMT

Number Two - See Through Bras

If someone could just explain to me the point, I think I might not hate them so much. I just don't see the point in wearing a bra that does nothing for you. Why not just go braless? It's much more newstylechic. Plus, it seems only the women who really need the support seem to wear the bras that are barely there. Women who have no breasts, more power to you to wear skimpy bras for no reason, big boobed ladies, try a push-up, or a full coverage. No see throughs for me, I'd rather just be totally free and bounce around. <333